Back bone.

Due to recent events, the fact that Aunt Flo is in town, and blaring Stone Sour to the point of ear drum combustion on my way to work this morning, I have realized that I have grown soft with age.  I used to have a back bone, but something has happened and one of those vertebrae is rotting away with sweetness like a mouth that only sees chocolates and sugar covered candies.  Time to change.  They (whoever they are) say that we are always changing and I’d have to agree.  We have to change in order to keep sane, in order to keep people in line, in order to live with ourselves.  And the time has come for me to do a little changing.  Just in time!

I live a chaotic life right now as it is – planning for a wedding that will take place in 24 days with so many things left on my to do list.  Who knew planning such an event could be so stressful?!  I guess every WOMAN who has ever planned one…

I find myself holding back from saying what I really feel.  I’ve never had this problem before!  I’ve always felt comfortable not sugar coating things and just flat out being blunt.  As much as people say they don’t like to be lied to, they don’t like hearing the truth just as much!  What a lame double standard.  What are we supposed to do then?  GROW A BACK BONE!  I find myself being hurt by people and I’m pretty sure they don’t even know they’re doing it to me!  I am a very sensitive person, always have been, but my sensitivity and ways of turning situations and words into a personal stabbing have gone too far.  People don’t care, so why should I?  Why can’t I just flat out tell people how I feel about them?  How they have wronged me?  How much I disapprove of what they are doing??  I know, no one is perfect.  I am FAR from it, I understand, but I’m sick of feeling taken advantage of and I’m ready to stand up for myself in a whole new way.  I’m sick of worrying about how others will feel or what they will think of me and my life if I do or say something.  I’m sick of walking on eggshells.


On a happy note – I bought my wedding shoes last night!  My mom & I headed down to The Block (& were reminded why we never go there.  Although full of awesome stores, kinda on the sketchy side) and found my shoes, finished my niece’s flower girl outfits, and found a nice chain to complete my wedding day necklace!  Woot wooottt!  It always feel great to mark things off that list, no matter how little they are.



One thought on “Back bone.

  1. mom says:

    I missed this one…tough when I have no internet service. We’re getting lots of things marked off on your list. It will be time to party in no time at all. Can’t wait.

    p.s. love your writing style…even if I am one of those shies away from bluntness…..Love you

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